The disruptive farter

The class is working silently

“Miss, I really need to fart. Can I step outside the class?”

“Concentrate on the work please, Bradley”

“OK then Miss. I’ve warned you”

The naughtier kids create a fuss first. They scream and laugh and run away. You’re not sure if they’re putting it on. But when you see little Arthur’s nose wrinkling, you know Bradley’s gone through with it*.

The next two minutes become a “Dick & Dom show” style farce.

They didn’t prepare you for that on teacher training. Seriously, o experienced teachers, how do you deal with this one?!

* I was going to say “followed through with it” but I realised that had certain connotations when it comes to flatulence.

10 thoughts on “The disruptive farter

    1. RedGreen Post author

      And when he then needs to fart every 5 minutes? I get worried about setting precedents for such things.

      It appears standard practice here to allow pupils to go outside to blow their nose nowadays which they definitely try to take the mick with

    2. 90maz

      If he’s taking the mick you suggest that you are going to have to phone home as there is obviously problem with either his vowels or his diet and he possibly needs a visit to the doctor

  1. Frank

    Febreze if it really is intolerable (until, inevitably, someone with asthma will claim that now THEY can’t breathe. They may be telling the truth..or ithey might just be making it up; their idea of a good wheeze) For what it is worth when someone says says something along the lines of, ‘Sir, Bradley’s farted,’ I usually reply, ‘Shall we give him a Blue Peter badge?’ I think if you let them go out you will create a trend. I agree about the nose blowing…where did that comefrom?

    Reply
  2. Nic

    I teach an all-boy group and this was an issue almost every lesson. Stamp on any deliberately exaggerated responses (e.g. covering nose with tie/shirt/blazer, complaining loudly, asking to move seats). And threaten to phone home / refer them to the school nurse if there is a repeat occurrence…

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  3. lvas

    you should just call home and tell them you’re concerned as if he really cannot control himself then he needs to see a doctor. I had a similar thing once where a student came in and announced he was ‘sweaty’ and then pulled down his trousers (thank god he was wearing PE shorts underneath). A ‘concerned’ telephone call home later that day meant he was suitably embarrassed to never do it again!

    Reply
  4. suecowley

    Just a few ideas from left field (which is where I tend to live), I once met a teacher who had a ‘get out of homework free’ card, that the kids could earn. Could you have a ‘get out of fart free’ card that they have to earn, to avoid a phone call home regarding a visit to the doctor? Or could you take in the book ‘Why do farts smell like rotten eggs’ and get some science talk going in class? Or seeing as your subject is maths, could you find some mathematical stuff involving measuring? Or there’s a great website (well my kids love it) called ‘listen to my farts’ – maybe they could listen to a few as a reward if no one farts all lesson?

    Sometimes it works better to ‘face up’ these things and prove that it doesn’t phase you. That can take the wind out of their sails nicely, without anyone having to lose face. I’m sure others will think that’s just mad but that would probably be my approach. We don’t all have to be the same.

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